These Are the 5 Most Common Reasons Couples Fight About Money

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You’ll never guess what causes the most money fights between couples. 

Money can be a stressful subject, so it comes as no surprise that lots of couples fight about it. In a survey by Orion, 42% of U.S. adults said they have disagreements about money with their partners, and 27% said it happened weekly or monthly.

Regular arguments, especially about the same subject, take their toll on a relationship. If you and your partner often argue about personal finance, it’s worth digging deeper into what you’re arguing about and how you can fix it.

Below are the five most common reasons couples fight about money, according to Orion’s survey, and the percentage of couples who chose each reason. We’ll also go over how to solve these issues, with some expert advice from Bola Sokunbi, founder and CEO of Clever Girl Finance.

1. Fears about market risk and the economy (35%)

The biggest source of disagreements for couples was fear about the market and the economy. Given the current state of both, that’s understandable. In 2022, the stock market had its worst year since the 2008 financial crisis. Inflation has been sky high for over a year. And many economists are predicting a recession.

Remember that these are all things you can’t control, and you and your partner are in this together. While market downturns and recession talk are stressful, they’re a normal part of the economic cycle. The stock market will bounce back, so continue to invest and don’t pull your money out. A recession may or may not happen, but you and your partner can prepare for it by saving for an emergency fund just in case you need it.

2. Whether to spend for today or save for tomorrow (29%)

It’s the classic financial dispute: Saver versus spender. One partner wants to put extra money into a savings account, while the other wants to make the most of it here and now.

In all likelihood, neither person is entirely right or wrong. Keep in mind that you two probably just view money differently. Bola Sokunbi makes a good point about this, as she notes that financial fights can stem from “upbringing around money, experiences in past relationships, or other life experiences that lead to different perspectives about money.”

Knowing how to save and spend money are both important. You shouldn’t spend every penny, but you shouldn’t save it all, either. You need balance, and being in a relationship with someone who views money differently could be a huge benefit. You two can balance each other out, if you’re both willing to compromise.

3. The importance of money in our lives (17%)

Another common issue is when one partner takes money much more seriously than the other. Maybe you’re the ambitious type, and your partner sees money as more of a necessary evil.

Now, if you’re reading this article, you’re probably the one who takes money seriously. What can you do if your partner doesn’t? Talk to them and try to get to the bottom of why they feel this way. Is money a source of stress for them, so they prefer not to think about it? Did their parents never seem to care about money, and they inherited that same viewpoint?

You can explain logically why money is important and all the ways having it improves your life. But this issue is often based more on emotion than logic.

4. How to communicate about money (10%)

Communication is key, but it isn’t always easy. Money is one of those subjects that lots of couples have trouble talking about.

Sokunbi shared some useful advice about having financial discussions with your partner. Here’s what she recommends: “Pick a good time (e.g. when neither of you is in a rush or stressed out with a work deadline) and go into the conversation with the mindset that you’ll talk and compromise but not argue. One discussion could be on a walk together about planning for upcoming bills, another could be over a casual meal about your joint and separate goals.”

5. Whether money is best spent on self or significant other (9%)

The final item on the list is deciding how to spend money — on yourself or on your significant other. Sometimes, there’s a reasonable explanation for this issue. For example, your partner may just not be the gift-giving type.

But it’s certainly understandable how this can be frustrating, especially if you’re more generous with your partner than they are with you. This is another situation where it’s good to get everything out in the open. If you feel unappreciated because your partner only spends money on themselves and not you, tell them. There’s nothing wrong with wanting a relationship where you both treat each other.

As you can see, there’s quite a range of reasons why couples fight about money. But if you and your partner are willing to work at it, they’re all fixable. Communicate with each other, get to the root of the problem, and you’ll reach the point where you have no money arguments.

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