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Even if you and your partner do not yet share finances, if you plan on doing so in the future, it’s good to start healthy money management habits now. But what are you supposed to do if you see that your partner is not good with money, and the reality is that, at least for now, it is still his money? Dictating how someone else handles his finances can feel like overstepping your bounds. But not saying something could set you up for a real headache when you do someday share bank accounts and credit cards. There are ways to help your partner with his money management without feeling like you’re acting like his boss or parent. It’s all about diplomacy and delicacy. Here are ways to help your financially irresponsible partner become better with money.
Reduce your standard of living
Financially irresponsible people are often easy to influence which can be a good thing…or a bad thing. If you start shopping less, talking more aloud about negotiating better prices on your insurance, and mentioning how you’re going to pack your lunch to save money, your habits could rub off on your partner. Also keep in mind that he may be spending a lot of money and buying luxury items to impress you, or give you the illusion of some type of lifestyle. If you show him you don’t need that, he may pull back.
Talk about fun financial goals
When it feels right, slip into some casual conversations about financial goals. See if your partner wants to buy a house one day. Where would he like to live? What types of activities would he like to be able to teach your kids? Piano? Karate? You can make the conversation feel fun, pull up your laptop, and start looking at how much these things cost. This may be a reality check your partner never had before.
Casually price a few houses
Here’s another reality check financially irresponsible people often need: the real price of a house, and how far away they are from being able to afford one. Millennials especially are often shocked by how far off they are from being able to afford a house. The mild scare that they could be living in an apartment into their early fifties can shock them into better money habits.
Monitor the credit card offers
Credit card companies target financially irresponsible individuals. Keep an eye on the mail. If you see your partner opening a credit card offer, ask him about it. Ask him if he’s interested in it. Suggest that he doesn’t need it…or that he should pay off one before signing up for another one.
Discuss your credit scores
Whether or not you share money, you are still going in together on things like apartment leases, car leases, and possibly even loans. And when you go in together on things like this, both of your credit scores will be checked. If you ask your partner if you can both sit down and look at your credit scores, just so you’re prepared for meetings with loan advisors or land lords, he may be surprised to find that you’re bringing a lot more to the table than he is. It can hurt a man’s pride a bit to see that he is reliant on his partner’s credit score to do things like pay off a big screen TV in increments. But that little kick to his pride could kick him into better habits.
Bring him to meet a financial advisor
Maybe your partner won’t listen to you because you aren’t a “professional.” So, bring him along to your next meeting with your financial advisor. Ask your advisor if you can pay her a small extra fee to look at your partner’s finances and draw up some plans for his financial goals.
Figure out why he overspends
People tend to overspend due to some emotional issues or to fill some void. Pay attention to your partner’s spending habits. What events tend to trigger him to go out for expensive dinners or buy new clothes? When those events happen, make sure you’re by his side right away in case he needs to vent. Encourage him to stay in and talk to you rather than go out shopping.
Find cheaper ways he can have what he wants
Maybe your partner doesn’t shop for emotional reasons but just loves his things. Alright. Then do a little research and find ways he can still live the lifestyle he (mostly) likes for less money. Sometimes the only reason people overspend is that they don’t take a half hour to do a little research online and find better deals. If he doesn’t have the patience for that research but you do, help him out.
Click here to for more tips on “How to Help Your Financially Irresponsible Partner” via MadameNoire.com by Julia Austin.
