Getting Married? Think Long and Hard Before You Do This

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The default isn’t necessarily the right (or safest) move. 

First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes joint financial accounts… right? For many people, the answer is yes. According to a 2022 survey by CreditCards.com, 43% of those surveyed had only joint bank accounts with their significant others, and no individual financial accounts. Just 23% reported having only individual accounts.

While there are definite advantages to merging your finances with your partner, there are also some drawbacks. Let’s take a look at both, so you can make a more informed decision if you’re ready to take a relationship to the next level, financially speaking.

Why you may want to merge finances

Far and away, one of the best reasons to combine finances and bank accounts with a spouse or significant other is convenience. If you manage shared bills, such as a mortgage loan, auto insurance, or a cellphone plan, it will be very easy to pay them when they’re due and not have to worry about transferring money back and forth to cover them. Plus, if you have a shared savings account, both partners can easily contribute to it and track progress to big savings goals.

Another reason to join financial forces is to make it easier to be accountable for your spending and savings habits. If you know your partner will be going through the checking account with a fine-toothed comb, you might be less likely to spend money as thoughtlessly as you might if you had no one but yourself to answer to.

Why you may not want to merge finances

Money is a fraught topic for many couples. A 2021 survey by Fidelity found that 1 in 5 couples say money is their greatest relationship challenge. They say opposites attract, but if you’re a natural saver and your partner loves to shop, you may have an ongoing disagreement brewing. No one deserves to be judged for their spending habits, but you may find it difficult to keep a civil tongue if you see that your spender spouse has once again spent shared funds on something you view as a waste.

Another reason to keep your finances separate is for safety. No one ever enters a relationship expecting an abusive situation, but it happens all the time. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, more than 10 million American adults experience domestic violence every year, with 94%-99% of them also experiencing economic abuse. Women are particularly susceptible to it, as they are often called upon to become family caregivers and give up paid employment and therefore the ability to earn their own money. If you’re a woman in a serious relationship, it could end up being vital that you have your own bank account and assured access to your own money, as you may need to leave that relationship to save your life.

One possible solution

The good news is that there’s a middle path that ensures both partners access to shared money and the ability to save for joint goals. You can open a third bank account for the two of you to share, while still keeping your own private accounts. This may require slightly more legwork, but it’ll spare you from any shame or judgment around your private spending habits while still making it easier to pay joint bills and save for goals like buying a home and taking a dream vacation.

It’s very easy to fall into the trap of “everyone else does it” when it comes to relationships, regardless of whether that default move is actually right for yours. If you choose to keep your finances separate, or open a shared bank account to make managing shared bills and savings easier, there’s nothing wrong with that. Your relationship is not somehow “less-than” because you’re keeping more financial autonomy. After all, your relationships and your finances are likely some of the most important things in your life. Take the time to weigh your options and make the right decision for you and your partner, together.

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