Catfished? How to Tell if Your Internet Lover Is Seriously Scamming You

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The typical romance scam costs victims $4,000. Find out how to quickly spot them. 

Nigerian princes have nothing on the latest scam strategy: romancing money straight from your wallet. It sounds wild (not to mention emotionally devastating), but it’s true.

In 2022, nearly 70,000 people reported being scammed out of their money, according to the Federal Trade Commission (FTC). That’s actually not much: it represents less than 0.001% of the U.S. population. But the vast majority of scams aren’t reported.

So, how bad is it? Terrible, if you’re the one being scammed right now. Romance scams bruise your heart and cost you a pretty penny. The median reported loss from a romance scam is $4,400, according to the FTC. Yikes. That, right there, is rent money.

But how can you tell if your internet lover is scamming you?

How to tell if you’re being scammed

According to an FTC report, romance scams follow predictable schemes. Here’s how to tell if your internet lover is seriously scamming you:

Why do they want your money? Check for scammer excuses. (See below)How do they want your money? Check for scammer payment requests. (See below)

You don’t have to point fingers to determine whether you’re being scammed. You can check for signs your beau is scamming you without confronting them. Check for the following red flags common to romance scams.

Red flag No. 1: They use scammer excuses

Romance scammers may be lacking in the creativity department. Over three-fourths (75%) of scams hinge on one of the following lies:

I/someone I care about is sick/hurt/jailed.I can teach you how to invest.I’m in the military and stationed far away.I need help with an important delivery.

Think twice when your online beau — whom you’ve never met in person — uses one of these excuses to ask you for money. They’ll often mention it in casual conversation days after meeting you. Many scammers attempt to earn your sympathy before asking you to send money.

Red flag No. 2: They use scammer payment methods

In 2022, 1 in 4 victims (25%) reported sending gift cards to scammers. Weird, but true. Fake lovers will ask you to walk into Walmart, buy cards, and send the codes. For reasons. Which they have. It’s all very under the table.

Scammers get your money in other ways, too:

Cryptocurrency (19%): Scammers ask you to send them crypto.Payment apps (15%): Even the best payment apps are used by scammers.Bank wire transfer (14%): Scammers ask for transfers from your checking account.

Keep an eye out for scammy payment requests. They’re often strangely complicated, and they never involve meeting you face to face. That, right there, is a red flag the size of Texas. Real lovers should be willing to take your money in person — they should want to meet you, too.

What you should do if you think you’re being scammed

Don’t send money to someone you suspect of scamming you.

First, stop sending scammers money for any reason, even if they claim to be investing it or doing you a favor. Even if they keep asking you.

You are in control of your relationships. It is 100% within your rights to ghost the heck out of anyone at any time, especially if they’re showing typical scammer behavior. It’s also within your right to refuse to send someone money for any reason.

If you’re ever in doubt, ask a friend or family member. A trustworthy third party may be able to help you spot a scam before it hits your bank account. Explain the situation, and listen to their thoughts. They can help you sort through messy emotions and weigh the pros and cons of sending money.

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