Can Savers Marry Spenders? Yes — if You Do This

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Disagreements about money are one of the leading reasons couples split. But savers and spenders aren’t necessarily doomed. Here’s what to do. 

A lot of personal finance experts will tell you there are two types of people: savers and spenders. Savers are, as you’d guess, good at saving money. They’re less prone to impulse buys or splurges, and they keep careful track of their finances.

Spenders, on the other hand, usually adopt a laissez-faire attitude about their finances. They tend to buy what they want, when they want it — savings be darned.

Arguments about money are a common reason for divorce. And some of the biggest blow-ups about money you’ll ever witness occur in relationships between savers and spenders. Which makes perfect sense; the two mentalities are diametrically opposed.

But arguments about your finances aren’t inevitable, even if you choose to marry your economic opposite. In other words, savers and spenders can coexist in matrimonial harmony — so long as they set the ground rules first.

Communicate expectations — and do it early

Well before you hit the aisle, you need to clearly communicate about both of your current financial situations, as well as how you’ll manage your money as a couple. Here are a few questions to discuss to get you started:

Will you have joint bank accounts or individual accounts? Every couple has their own take on bank accounts. Some couples like to have everything in joint accounts. Others may have a joint checking account for shared expenses, and individual accounts for everything else (this may work best for a saver/spender couple). The actual setup matters less than being on the same page about how you’ll handle it.

How will you split shared expenses? It’s rare for everyone in a relationship to have the same exact income. So, who pays for what? Have a plan for everything from splitting housing costs to meals out. It’s absolutely vital that you can agree on a fair answer to this question.

What are your short-term and long-term financial goals? If one partner wants to buy a house in five years, but the other would rather take extra vacations each summer — well, that’s a red flag. Make sure your financial goals align before you say “I do.”

Do you currently have debt? If so, what is your repayment plan? One big difference you’ll often see between savers and spenders is debt. Savers tend to be debt-averse, while spenders don’t mind some high-interest debt in the name of improving their lifestyle. While you don’t automatically become responsible for your spouse’s existing debt once you marry, it may still become your problem. Make sure you’re both upfront about where you stand.

What are your plans for retirement? Ideally, your marriage will last well into your golden years. So it’s important to be on the same page about how you’ll save for retirement, as well as how you plan to spend it.

There’s an old saying, “Good fences make for good neighbors.” When it comes to relationships, I like to paraphrase it into, “Good boundaries make for good spouses.” Clearly communicated financial boundaries can go a long way toward a happy, healthy relationship, no matter how disparate your financial mindsets may be.

I now pronounce you financially compatible

So long as you can agree on a clear set of rules, you can absolutely make a saver-spender marriage work. Indeed, the opposites-attract dynamic could even be beneficial to you both. Savers can help spenders limit their impulse buys, while spenders can help savers, well, live a little.

However, if you can’t come to a common consensus on your financial goals — and how you’ll reach them — you may need to accept that you simply aren’t compatible. While this can be painful to face, it’s always better to recognize it earlier than later.

Love may conquer a lot, but financial incompatibility is rarely one of those things.

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